Birthday Cake

A Letter On Your First Birthday

My dear beautiful darling daughter.

This afternoon will mark your first complete journey around the sun. Last year Daddy and I weren’t sure that you would make it to your first month, let alone your first year. But, even before you were born, you were defying all the odds.

So, today we share a birthday, because before you, I wasn’t a mother.

I watch you grow every day, and seeing your world expand before you makes my heart grow like the Grinch’s heart (don’t worry, you’ll understand this later). You surprise me every day, and you make me smile when I think that I can’t go on. You are, in many senses, the reason that I get up in the morning.

You are my special little girl – so wanted and so loved.

I love you, and I wish you could see you through my eyes.


Happy Birthday Kidlet.

Sleeping Like A Baby?

I am beginning to think that anyone who says that has never had a child, forgot having a child or had a child that slept easily.

The Kidlet sleeps, but she fights it tooth and nail. We’re working on getting her into a schedule, and it’s mostly working, but there are still nights where we’re woken up multiple times. It doesn’t help that one of the side effects of her medications for her hemangiomas is nightmares/night terrors.

Right now she’s gone down for a nap, with little resistance. I know that children don’t get the ability to regulate their sleep cycles until around 2-3 years of age, and as someone over the age of 20, I wish there were a roll-over plan for all the naps I refused/argued against as a child.

She sleeps fine when she gets to sleep, unfortunately, though I do try to follow the advice to sleep when she sleeps, sometimes my brain, the evil lump of grey matter, likes to make me think that she’s screaming her fool head off when she’s just snoring… ah yes, a legacy from every side of her family. I will one day tell her how my grandmother maintained that she didn’t snore until one day she woke herself up…. snoring.

One of the issues with ADHD is getting your mind, which runs like a computer that’s been over clocked, to shut down when it’s time to sleep. I’ve tried prescription sleep aids, herbal teas, mindfulness exercises. My brain will just NOT shut up most days. I live on caffeine and inappropriate thoughts, as a friend of mine has said.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to get my second large cup of coffee for the day, and do stupid things faster.

Begin Again

For a while I’ve been wondering if I should pick up this blog again. I am definitely a mom, and my daughter is amazing.

I would have started blogging again back in late May of last year, but I just had a mental block on it. Something a friend had said to me got my mind into the mindset of not blogging here. Then, another friend posted about her miscarriage, and well, I was drawn back to this again and again,but never managed to put fingers to keyboard to update.

So, as part of an ongoing process of getting back to being a healthier person, both mentally and physically, I’m going to be starting to blog here again. I can’t say that it’ll be on a schedule yet (being a Mom isn’t exactly to schedule yo) but I do promise that I’ll update as much as I can.

Last Post

This will be the last post for a while.

I had spotting on the 6th that went away and started again with a vengance on 9th. Went to the emergency room, and after several exams, found out that the baby had stopped developing, and so I had a D&C.

I intend to try again, and hopefully will be picking this blog back up in the near future.


<3 to you all.

Stuff No One Tells You

This entry is brought to you by the sh*t no one tells you about pregnancy.

I mean, you get told that your boobs are going to get bigger, that you’re likely going to get morning sickness, that it’s not all fun and games.

But no one tells you that you’re going to get more flatulent at the time that your nose kicks into “high sniffer” alert. So everytime you pass wind, you’re killing yourself with a toxic cloud.
Or leukorrhea (leucorrhoea in the UK). Seriously. I wish someone had told me that I would possibly have the same feeling as when ovulation hits all the freaking time. Yay for crotch-snot. NOT.

No one mentions that the swelling, well, the swelling can cut nerves pathways down and give you carpal tunnel. Yeah. I haven’t had this much pain since I was typing 16 hour days in high school. And that was before the internet folks. BEFORE!

I figure at this rate, I’ll have enough to publish a book about my experience by the time this child is born.
So hang tight for another trimester’s installment of “Sh*t they didn’t tell me!”

More Maternity Fun

Well, got both my referral and sign off on my meds. I’ll be likely contacting the OB/GYN on Monday to see about getting an appointment for when I return from visiting family.

Things seem to be taking shape for me and the kiddo.  Hopefully the upswing will continue. 🙂

Now we begin the waiting game.

Sleepy Stick…

I’ve been whacked by the sleepy stick. I am exhausted all the time. This is evidently normal. But let me tell you that it messes with my head and my ability to be a functioning adult. It also doesn’t help that I’ve also had a hard time falling asleep no matter what time of the day it is, or night for that matter.

So yeah. fatigue is really starting to get me. Not to mention that I gave what looked like a unit of blood at the lab Monday.

I just want to sleep all the time right now, in part to get away from everyday stresses and not so everyday stresses. But in part because I can’t seem to catch a break when it comes to getting some sleep, and this is starting to have a fall over effect on my mental health.

In other news, I’m awaiting my referral to a local OBGYN. After doing some research, I know which one I’d like, but we’ll see how that goes.

I can’t wait until next Monday so I can have my medications adjusted.

Emotional RollerCoaster

So much for love being a rollercoaster.

Wonderful side effect of all the hormones rushing through my head. I’ve been between feeling fine and bawling my eyes out. Being a person with ADHD and comorbid depression and OCD is fun, and right now the meds aren’t cutting it. So that means, off to the psychiatrist and see what we can do that won’t harm the baby.

My life has been changed. Everything I do has an impact on someone else’s life now.

I hope we can get this under control, because it’s hard to live every day like this.


T-34.5 Weeks And Counting

So, I discovered I was pregnant about two weeks ago. After ten years of trying, it came as a shock for my husband and I.

But here we are 5.5 weeks and counting. We decided to announce the baby to friends and family a bit early, because we wanted the support network in case the unthinkable happens.

Right now the whole fun of having pregnancy brain and ADHD is happening. I will see my psychiatrist in just over a week and we’ll get to decide then what we’ll do with the fact that I’ve ADHD and a baby on the way.

I’m lucky in the fact I don’t have morning sickness, just epic and seemingly permanent indigestion.