Toddler on a Mission

Toddler On A Mission

Oh little girl. You are definitely mobile. And definitely on a mission, which from what I can tell, is to get into as much trouble as possible.

I know we anxiously waited for you to become the biped that you were born to be, but right now, we’re asking for five more minutes of that cute little bundle of adorable that didn’t move. Just so we can baby-proof a bit more.

You have gone from hesitant steps to running, and that has gotten you a few bumps and bruises, and scared a few years off mommy and probably given both Mommy and Daddy more grey hairs.

You’re exploring your world, and boy howdy do you not like the word no. Guess what little one? Get used to it.
You are loved and wanted, but you’re not going to get everything you want. I can’t fit a pony in my backyard and I’m sure that bylaw would have so much fun with that.

I can’t wait until the spring really comes. You know, after second winter? Then we can get outside and you can work on your plan to take over the world.


The Toddler Years Are Here

Oh my dear darling girl. You are most definitely a toddler.

You are mobile on two legs and while you prefer to be hanging on to Mommy and Daddy’s hands while tearing across the countryside, you are perfectly able to terrorize the place on your own.

We also have had our start of toddler meltdowns. The most spectacular was when your poor Auntie and I were trapped with you before her appointment and you had us both looking for a holy water font, because damn child.

Your vocabulary is expanding as your world does, and I can tell that you’re learning more than you can express right now. That is frustrating, and I know how you feel, because Mommy still has that problem sometimes.

I love that you love books. You are crazy for them. You also are showing Mommy that your spatial reasoning is really taking off like no one’s business.

I am so glad that you are my daughter, and that we’re in this together. I promise that I will love you forever – even if you don’t think I do (to my mother – I get you now, so much).

I would like to know where you get your energy though. I am beginning to think that you are hiding a nuclear power plant somewhere (because what comes out the output is near toxic waste some days). Also – Naps are wonderful and you’re going to look back on this phase of hating them when you’re older and go “Damn it”. Trust me on that one little girl.

So, let’s see where tomorrow takes us, shall we?

Christmas Tree

Oh Christmas Tree

The holidays are here in our house. We finally have put up our tree, and even though it’s not her first Christmas, it is the first Christmas where she is able to see what the heck is going on. Oh, the perils of having a late autumn baby.

She watched us put up the tree the other day with eyes that were wide and full of wonder. You could almost read the “THERE IS A TREE IN MY HOUSE. TREES DO NOT GO IN THE HOUSE!”

As we decorated it, we made sure she was involved, and Christmas slowly is coming to life for her. We’re hoping to make it out to see the local mall Santa, but if we don’t make it, I’m not going to lose too much sleep over it.

Toddler Girl

Melting Down

I’ve heard of the terrible twos, and “three-nagers” but holy crap. No one told me that the utter and complete meltdowns could start as early as a year.

Yep, we’re in the toddler meltdowns. The little one does not want to go to sleep because she’d rather play. She also will melt down if you take something away from her, even if it’s something she’s not supposed to have (like Mommy’s asthma inhaler).

I know that her world is expanding, but her language is not up to where she can express clearly what she wants. I understand how that can frustrate the hell out of her. I would however like her to go to sleep. She just wants to see everything, to learn everything. This is a great thing to want, but child you need to get some sleep sometimes. Trust your Mommy on this.

Ah well, practice for the future, eh?


Birthday Cake

A Letter On Your First Birthday

My dear beautiful darling daughter.

This afternoon will mark your first complete journey around the sun. Last year Daddy and I weren’t sure that you would make it to your first month, let alone your first year. But, even before you were born, you were defying all the odds.

So, today we share a birthday, because before you, I wasn’t a mother.

I watch you grow every day, and seeing your world expand before you makes my heart grow like the Grinch’s heart (don’t worry, you’ll understand this later). You surprise me every day, and you make me smile when I think that I can’t go on. You are, in many senses, the reason that I get up in the morning.

You are my special little girl – so wanted and so loved.

I love you, and I wish you could see you through my eyes.


Happy Birthday Kidlet.


Hemangioma Baby

My daughter has a hemangioma. Well, she was born with three. One is very small, less than the size of a dime. But she has two on her face, which, evidently is normal with hemangiomas.

What is a hemangioma? In short it’s a benign blood vessel tumour. They don’t know why the show up, but they think that heredity plays a role. They’re fairly common, and usually resolve on their own by the age of 10. But, as our daughter has two on her face, we decided to go with treatment at the Children’s Hospital of Eastern Ontario (CHEO) . She was referred by our family doctor and has been seeing a paediatric dermatologist since she was about 3 months of age.

We elected to treat with beta blockers. This is now the most common therapy for them. We have talked to many people who have had treatment in the past and this is very much an improvement compared to freezing them or other surgeries. Laser surgery may happen down the road, but we will see how things go. Right now the smaller of the two has almost completely resolved.

I refuse to hide my daughter away from the world until they’re gone. I have been stopped and asked what they are, and I use that as an opportunity to educate people.

The child in the picture is not my daughter.


Sleeping Like A Baby?

I am beginning to think that anyone who says that has never had a child, forgot having a child or had a child that slept easily.

The Kidlet sleeps, but she fights it tooth and nail. We’re working on getting her into a schedule, and it’s mostly working, but there are still nights where we’re woken up multiple times. It doesn’t help that one of the side effects of her medications for her hemangiomas is nightmares/night terrors.

Right now she’s gone down for a nap, with little resistance. I know that children don’t get the ability to regulate their sleep cycles until around 2-3 years of age, and as someone over the age of 20, I wish there were a roll-over plan for all the naps I refused/argued against as a child.

She sleeps fine when she gets to sleep, unfortunately, though I do try to follow the advice to sleep when she sleeps, sometimes my brain, the evil lump of grey matter, likes to make me think that she’s screaming her fool head off when she’s just snoring… ah yes, a legacy from every side of her family. I will one day tell her how my grandmother maintained that she didn’t snore until one day she woke herself up…. snoring.

One of the issues with ADHD is getting your mind, which runs like a computer that’s been over clocked, to shut down when it’s time to sleep. I’ve tried prescription sleep aids, herbal teas, mindfulness exercises. My brain will just NOT shut up most days. I live on caffeine and inappropriate thoughts, as a friend of mine has said.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to get my second large cup of coffee for the day, and do stupid things faster.


Begin Again

For a while I’ve been wondering if I should pick up this blog again. I am definitely a mom, and my daughter is amazing.

I would have started blogging again back in late May of last year, but I just had a mental block on it. Something a friend had said to me got my mind into the mindset of not blogging here. Then, another friend posted about her miscarriage, and well, I was drawn back to this again and again,but never managed to put fingers to keyboard to update.

So, as part of an ongoing process of getting back to being a healthier person, both mentally and physically, I’m going to be starting to blog here again. I can’t say that it’ll be on a schedule yet (being a Mom isn’t exactly to schedule yo) but I do promise that I’ll update as much as I can.


Viral Sensation

I’ve just gotten home from a week in hospital with my daughter.

She had bronchiolitis caused by a virus called RSV. She was the youngest baby admitted last week with the virus. We spent a week with her hooked up to wires and tubes. I have never, ever, been as scared as I have been this past week. I cried for the first half of the week. I seriously believed that I was going to lose my baby girl.

She got this infection in the hospital where she was born. The first person to tell me that we should’ve gone to a birthing centre… silence. Please. I was a moderate risk pregnancy with her and could not have done that, so I chose the best hospital I could.

I am very glad that we have a hospital like CHEO here where we live. I am hoping that we don’t have to go back for a long long time.


Last Post

This will be the last post for a while.

I had spotting on the 6th that went away and started again with a vengance on 9th. Went to the emergency room, and after several exams, found out that the baby had stopped developing, and so I had a D&C.

I intend to try again, and hopefully will be picking this blog back up in the near future.


<3 to you all.